How to Improve Empathy: A Practical Guide to Building Deeper Connections

Empathy sometimes feels like a quality you either have or don't - but that's not actually true. Just like strengthening a muscle or learning a new language, empathy can be developed through consistent practice and the right approach. Understanding others' emotions and perspectives more deeply isn't just about being a "better person" - it's a practical skill that enhances relationships, improves communication, and creates more meaningful connections in every area of life.

Understanding Different Types of Empathy

Before diving into how to develop empathy, it's helpful to understand its different forms. Cognitive empathy involves understanding others' perspectives intellectually - recognizing what someone might be thinking or feeling. Emotional empathy means actually feeling something of what others feel. Compassionate empathy combines understanding and feeling with a motivation to help when appropriate.

Most people naturally lean toward one type of empathy. You might be great at understanding others' perspectives but struggle to connect emotionally, or you might feel others' emotions intensely but have trouble maintaining helpful boundaries. Recognizing your natural tendencies helps direct your practice more effectively.

The Foundation: Self-Awareness

Surprisingly, developing stronger empathy starts with understanding yourself better. When you're more aware of your own emotional experiences and patterns, you become better equipped to understand others. This doesn't mean constantly analyzing yourself - it means developing a clearer sense of how you experience and express emotions.

Start paying attention to your emotional responses throughout the day. Notice what triggers certain feelings, how emotions feel in your body, and how they influence your behavior. This awareness creates a reference point for understanding others' experiences. It also helps you distinguish between your own feelings and those you might be picking up from others.

Practice observing your judgments and assumptions about others. Often, these quick assessments prevent us from truly understanding someone else's experience. When you notice yourself making assumptions, try holding them lightly and remaining curious about what might actually be true.

Improved self-awareness is backed by research as the "foundation" of training empathy. By participating in group activities that focus attention on shared aspects of life, recognition of disempowerment (meaning, why individuals lose power over their own lives, such as limited access to resources), one can improve their self-awareness which allowed them to translate their experiences to others [1] McNaughton, S. M. (2016). Developing pre-requisites for empathy: increasing awareness of self, the body and the perspectives of others. Teaching in Higher Education, 21(5), 501–515. https://doi.org/10.1080/13562517.2016.1160218.

Active Listening: The Core Skill

Real empathy requires genuine listening - not just waiting for your turn to speak or thinking about how to fix someone's problems. Active listening involves giving your full attention to understanding another person's experience, including both their words and their underlying emotions.

When someone's speaking, try focusing completely on understanding their perspective rather than preparing your response. Notice their tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language. These non-verbal cues often communicate more than words alone.

Practice reflecting back what you've heard, both the content and the emotional tone. This helps confirm your understanding and shows the speaker you're truly engaged. It might feel awkward at first, but with practice, it becomes natural and deeply valuable for building connection.

Motivation-Based Training

An emerging theory in empathy training is that directly "teaching" empathy isn't effective. Instead, changing one's motivations and beliefs around empathy helps one build their empathy naturally [2]Weisz, E., Ong, D. C., Carlson, R. W., & Zaki, J. (2021). Building empathy through motivation-based interventions. Emotion, 21(5), 990–999. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000929.

There are two techniques taught in motivation-based training:

1. Teaching people empathy can be learned and improved (malleable mindset).
2. Teaching people that being empathetic is a common and positive social behavior (social norms).

These motivational techniques increased people's belief that they could improve their empathy [2]Weisz, E., Ong, D. C., Carlson, R. W., & Zaki, J. (2021). Building empathy through motivation-based interventions. Emotion, 21(5), 990–999. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000929. They also improved the accuracy of recognizing others' positive emotions.

Directly teaching and practicing empathy still has it's place, especially for self-directed learning. But, building these foundational pieces are crucial before building empathy. You must build a foundation before building a house, otherwise it won't be stable. By training your foundational beliefs and motivations surrounding empathy, you are setting yourself up for success.

Practical Exercises to Build Empathy

The Perspective-Taking Practice

Start with simple situations in daily life. When you see someone having an experience - whether it's a stranger looking frustrated at the grocery store or a coworker celebrating a success - pause for a moment. Instead of making quick judgments, ask yourself: "What might their day have been like? What could be happening in their life?"

This practice becomes particularly powerful in disagreements. When you find yourself in conflict with someone, try imagining their perspective in detail. What pressures might they be under? What fears or hopes might be driving their behavior? This doesn't mean you have to agree with them, but understanding their viewpoint often leads to better solutions.

The Emotion-Recognition Exercise

Throughout your day, practice naming emotions you observe in others with greater specificity. Instead of broad categories like "good" or "bad," try identifying more nuanced emotions. Is someone displaying nervousness or excitement? Disappointment or anger? The more precisely you can identify emotions, the better you'll understand others' experiences.

Breaking Down Barriers to Empathy

The Distance Challenge

We often find it easier to empathize with people similar to us or those we already care about. True empathy development involves extending understanding to those who seem different or whose actions we don't agree with. Start small - practice empathizing with people whose minor habits annoy you, or whose lifestyle is different than yours, then gradually work up to more challenging situations.

The Judgment Pause

Notice when you're making quick judgments about others' behavior. These instant assessments often block empathy. When you catch yourself judging, pause and consider: What don't you know about their situation? What assumptions are you making? This creates space for genuine understanding to develop.

Digital Age Challenges

Online Interactions

Empathy can be particularly challenging in digital spaces where we miss many social cues. Make extra effort to imagine the real person behind each online interaction. Before responding to messages or comments, take a moment to consider the human experience on the other side of the screen.

Media Consumption

Be mindful of how different types of media affect your empathy. Some social media use can decrease empathy by encouraging quick judgments and tribal thinking [3]Tavares, M., Rein, B. The virtual disengagement hypothesis: A neurophysiological framework for reduced empathy on social media. Cogn Affect Behav Neurosci 24, 965–971 (2024). https://doi.org/10.3758/s13415-024-01212-w. Balance this by seeking out stories and content that help you understand different perspectives and life experiences. Remember, social media adapts to your usage. If you are viewing negative content, you'll receive more negative content. You can take control of your social media algorithm by actively seeking out more positive, uplifting content, and in turn, platforms will recommend similar content.

Professional Applications

In professional settings, empathy improves collaboration, leadership, and customer relationships. Practice seeing situations from your colleagues' perspectives. What pressures are they under? What might be affecting their work that you can't see? This understanding often leads to better solutions and stronger working relationships.

When dealing with difficult customers or clients, empathy becomes a practical tool for better outcomes. Instead of reacting to their immediate behavior, try understanding the concerns or frustrations driving it. This often helps find solutions that work for everyone.

Advanced Empathy Skills: Moving Beyond Basics

Managing Emotional Boundaries

As your empathy grows stronger, learning to maintain healthy boundaries becomes increasingly important. Many people find that developing greater empathy initially leaves them feeling overwhelmed by others' emotions. The key lies in understanding that true empathy doesn't require taking on others' emotional states completely - instead, it involves maintaining a balanced awareness that honors both self and other.

Practice being present with others' experiences while maintaining your own emotional center. This might mean acknowledging someone's pain without feeling responsible for fixing it, or understanding another's anger without absorbing it. Think of it like standing beside someone looking at their emotional landscape, rather than merging with their experience completely.

Developing this skill requires regular practice and self-awareness. Notice when you're becoming emotionally merged with others and learn to maintain your distinct perspective while remaining connected. This balance allows you to offer genuine understanding without becoming depleted.

Measuring Your Growth

Understanding your progress in developing empathy requires both self-reflection and external feedback. Set aside regular time to review your interactions and relationships. Notice how your responses to others have changed over time. Are you finding it easier to understand perspectives that once seemed alien to you? Can you maintain emotional balance more effectively during challenging interactions?

Keep a journal of your experiences and insights. Document situations where you successfully practiced empathy and those where you struggled. What patterns do you notice? What triggers make empathy more challenging for you? This kind of systematic reflection accelerates learning and helps identify areas for growth.

Pay attention to changes in your relationships and how others respond to you. Are people sharing more openly with you? Do you find yourself involved in fewer conflicts? While it's important not to become dependent on external validation, feedback from others can provide valuable insights into your progress.

Remember that developing advanced empathy skills is a continuous journey rather than a destination. Each interaction offers new opportunities for learning and growth. Stay curious about your own responses and patterns while maintaining compassion for yourself during challenging moments.

Integration into Daily Life

The ultimate goal isn't performing empathy as a separate practice but integrating it naturally into daily life. Over time, you might notice:

• More nuanced understanding of others' emotions
• Improved ability to navigate conflicts
• Deeper, more satisfying relationships
• Better communication in all areas of life
• Greater ease in challenging social situations

Remember that developing empathy is a ongoing journey, not a destination. Each interaction offers a new opportunity to understand others more deeply and connect more meaningfully. The skills you develop create ripple effects, contributing to more understanding and connection in your relationships and communities.

Moving Forward

Start with small steps - perhaps one new practice from this guide that resonates with you. Notice opportunities in your daily life to understand others more deeply. Remember that like any skill, empathy grows stronger with consistent practice and patience with yourself as you learn.

The effort you put into developing empathy creates lasting positive changes in your relationships and contribution to the world. Each step toward better understanding others is a step toward a more connected and compassionate way of living.